(Dealing with Conflicts in the family)
Conflict is a natural fallout of social interactions. Indeed the differences that exists in the needs, desires and idiosyncrasies of people make for an environment suitable for conflicts. It must be mentioned that conflict is not necessarily a bad thing, it can actually be a good thing as it provides differing angles to situations and things. Rather unfortunately, many of the violence that the world has known and as a matter of fact that is still bedeviling the human race today is people’s inability to tolerate and cope with differing views, beliefs and attitude. Well of course people may hold very outrageous positions on situations and things, that may be very difficult to come to terms with, but then that is what makes the human race an interesting collection of beings. Such differing views must be addressed with some level of empathy and understanding.
The sad situation of intolerance to differences regrettably finds its way into the family unit. It is a given that a family is the smallest social organization with interacting parties, and hence a perfect place to gain firsthand experience on conflict and conflict resolution. Today, with the increase in failed marriages and abusive relationships, we can easily see that intolerance has its roots in many families. Couples unable to come to terms with the fact that first and foremost their spouses have a right to be different and to hold differing views and also that differing views can be handled and managed in such a way that it can be a strength rather than a weakness for the family, have given up on beautiful relationships. Such prejudice are a product of some sort of stereotypes that ascribe some sort of expectations to our spouses; expectations that they must and should hold views similar to ours thereby abhorring every disposition to the contrary.
I saw a quote once that perfectly describes how conflicts and disagreement should be handled, especially with regards to people’s belief and attitudes, the quote reads “do not judge me until you walk in my shoes”. Empathy defined as the ability to understand and share the feelings of others should inform every conflict especially within a family, we must “Turn the tables around”. We must recognize people’s difference and appreciate them, especially when they were formed by circumstances different from ours. Acting without empathizing with other people’s position is akin to acting in malice. According to American liberal journalist Charles M. Blow “One doesn’t have to operate with great malice to do great harm, the absence of understanding and empathy is sufficient”. Children must be taught to recognize that there will be times when people will not meet their expectations, when people will not hold their position and when people’s belief will be completely alien to theirs. They must be taught to recognize these differences and embrace them. They are what make us unique. As a family, being diverse is our strength, it makes us resilient. We must not be quick to admonish or advice from our standpoint, empathy and understanding must precede advice. Just because you are right does not mean the other person is wrong, it could just be that the person has a different looking glass. Bill Bullard affirms that “Opinion is the lowest form of human knowledge. It requires no accountability, no understanding. The highest form of knowledge is empathy, for it requires us to suspend our egos and live in another’s world. It requires profound purpose larger than the self-kind of understanding”.
