We are a product of the different influences in our lives. What we are now and what we will become are a sum total of all the influences that characterize our experiences. Influence basically is the capacity to have an effect on the character, development or behavior of someone. There are mounting bodies of research that discusses how the different influences in a child’s life shape them. Expose a child to a life of abuse and ridicule, a life of constant pain and negativity, you are very likely to get a social deviant that sees life in dark shades and crooked colors, but raise a child in an atmosphere of love and affection, an environment where laughter is the only song they know how to sing, where infectious smiles trail every comment because compliments are given freely, and you are very likely to have an upbeat person who sees life in many beautiful shades, they see the world as their playground with so many possibilities to explore.
Understanding the power of influence over our outcomes and our lives generally, it is imperative that we are deliberate about the influences that we subject ourselves to. Rather unfortunately though in our cognitive development; the period in our lives when our personality are actively being developed is between the ages of 0 to 12 years, which coincides with a period of our lives that we have no conscious control of the influences on us and hence the input into our cognitive make-up. Parents and guardians therefore have a major role to play in the kind of influences that accompanies children as they grow
Three powerful Sources of influence that we must control for our kids and also even for ourselves as adults are
1. The Mass Media
In recent times, the mass media (Television and radio) has emerged as a powerful tool for shaping people and society. The perception we mostly carry about the world and things are those which have been created in many instances by media propaganda. The power in the mass media is in its ability to affect a lot of people all at once.
Experiments conducted by researcher Herbert Krugman reveal that when a person watches television, brain activity switches from the left hemisphere to the right hemisphere. The left hemisphere is the seat of logical thought where critical analysis is done in the brain, while the right hemisphere is the seat of our emotions. Incoming data are treated uncritically and absorbed into our subconscious mostly becoming part of our cognitive system. In plain English, television has the potential to modify our thought process.
Parents must be deliberate about what television programme their kids watch and what they listen to, this way that source of influence can be appropriately harnessed to engender an appropriate pattern of behavior from children.
2. The books we read
Books are major sources of influence. According to a study by Geoff Kaufman published in the journal of personality and Social Psychology titled “You are What you Read”, books have the ability to shape people’s social reality. The research reveals that in many instances readers tend to take up the thought pattern of the books they read and it becomes their own. That is why for avid readers of novels, the emotions, fears and thrills depicted in the fictional characters are felt by the readers, the influence is indeed very powerful. What kind of books do you read?
3. The company we keep
John Maxwell; Leadership expert and author opines that the people we spend most of our times with invariably rub off on us and we start exhibiting similar tendencies. Friends and companions are powerful influences. We reflect the nature of the company we keep in the things we say and do. It is often said that people who you spend time with take you on their journey. This is very profound. If you have a plan about where you want to be in your career, business, and life generally the question we must answer is, “will the company I keep take me there?” you cannot be going to Lagos and get on a bus going to Abuja and expect to arrive at Lagos. If you want to be wise, keep company with wise men, if you want to be wealthy, Keep Company with wealthy people; and their daily routine will gradually become yours. Wise men do not sit in the company of fools.
4. The internet
Over the last few years, the internet has evolved as a very powerful influence on people. There is a gamut of information that constantly flood the web beckoning for attention. Most of these information are primarily geared towards prompting users of the web to take action. Increasingly, the web is tending to be amongst the most potent tool of influence because of the amount of time people spend online. We currently now have 2 realities; physical reality and virtual reality, and of course people now have dual identities to fit into these 2 realities. Rather unfortunately, the internet is uncensored and so we find things in there that are unverified and sometimes untrue serving as the source of influence over people’s behavior. Utmost discretion and caution must be applied as we expose ourselves to this very potent source of influence.
Determining your influences
The foregoing sources of influences in the write-up so far can actually be harnessed for the imposition of positive influences as well as negative influences. Note that for adults, it takes a longer period of exposure to these influences for them to result in any significant character modification. Again this depends on the strength of earlier influences that constitutes our “vehicle” to the place we currently are in terms of character. However for children these sources of influences (Mass media, Books, Friends and the Internet) are very potent and must be carefully used so that desirable traits are engendered; studies in “Child Psychology” expresses this truth.
For both adults and children though, the following sources of influence can be actively used to create positive outcomes in our lives
- Mentors
Mentorship is a relationship whereby a more experienced or more knowledgeable person helps to guide a less experienced and knowledgeable person. One who refuses to seek the advice of others will eventually be led to a path of ruin. A mentor helps you to perceive your own weaknesses and confront them with courage. Mentors are important because they have gone through the journey that protégés intend to take and they know the ropes. According to Romain Rollan, “If a man is to shed the light of the sun upon other men, he must first of all have it within himself”. In choosing mentors, we must have it in mind what exactly it is we desire, so we can ascertain who it is can shed light through his experience on how to get
- Coaches
While mentoring is a long term relationship between a mentor and a protégé, coaching is a project or task based relationship of influence. Both have their place in creating positive environments of influence. A coach is like an instructor who gives guidance on specific areas of skills and aptitude required to excel at a thing. The influence of coaches can be judged quickly over a short span of time with regards to the result produced from the relationship. There are many aspects of our lives that we may not have the required expertise to thrive in and we need people who can bequeath us with such expertise, coaches come in handy in this regards
- Role Models
Role models are people looked up to as an example to be imitated. This source of influence is such that there may not necessarily be a relationship between the two parties. By the words that make up the term, we can safely say that one can have a plurality of people who they admire and would like to emulate depending on the different roles of their lives that a model is sort. In many instances parents by default make up the earliest role models for children. That is why very importantly right attitudes must be portrayed for children to emulate. As much as there would be times when your influence would wane as children grow older, the earliest influences are more likely to form the core of their character.
Influences are subtle shapers of our world and social reality. The very nature of which re quires insights. Truth is, our minds are like gardens that if not tended to will grow weeds and all kinds of undesirable plants, but if well cultivated will become beautiful places. It is along this line that the good book admonishes that we should “guard our hearts (minds) with all diligence, because out of it are the issues of life”.